Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
