If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
