You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
