Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
