I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
worst night to have a conscience
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
