I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
