Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
