She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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