Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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