I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
