Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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