You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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