Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
