i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
