Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
