That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
