I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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