Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
