**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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