omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
