the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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