I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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