I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
