you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize