do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
