What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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