I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
