hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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