dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
