he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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