That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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