eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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