I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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