WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
