Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
