her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
