Yo dont text me then not text me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
