Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
