As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
