You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
