Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
