you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
