So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
