fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
