I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
