pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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