Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i out mim tonsoeep
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