What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
