Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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