They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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