areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
