Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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