She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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