I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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