Don't you send me to vm
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
