Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
