Yo dont text me then not text me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
