hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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