when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
