no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
