my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
