chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he fucked my hip out of place.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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