My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
