let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
