You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
