Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
