Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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