If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
