Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
