Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
