Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
