if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just blew my weed a kiss
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
