you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
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Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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