WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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