just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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