i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
