I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
