I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
