would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
