I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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