May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
